Day 1

weight: 135

I wake up motivated. For breakfast: coffee with skim milk (the best diets allow coffee) and truvia. 2 hardboiled eggs. I pack my "lunch" of tuna with lemon juice and some fat-free cottage cheese and grab my liter of water. You know, to keep my kidneys from shutting down.

At work, I am dragging and bleary-eyed, but I am not sure if I can blame the diet. I pee 8 times. At 11 I decide I can't wait any longer and dig into my cottage cheese. It is sour and I worry that it may have turned so I put it away. I pee 2 more times. It's now 1 o'clock and I can barely focus on anything. All I want to do is nap and I dread the phone ringing. I eat the tuna. It is the best thing I've ever had.

I get home and eat another hardboiled egg. You are only supposed to have 2 in a day but I am starving and it is right there. I also drink a mug of "cleansing" tea in the hopes of staving off the possible constipation. I pee some more. For dinner, my boyfriend and I have grilled scallops and he gets to have cauliflower. I stare at him as it eats it. I'm so hungry that I can barely sit up and these scallops are amazing. I feel full.

This is the longest that I've ever gone without carbs or sugar and it's getting to me. I know we have some Little Debbie brownies in the pantry and I think about them incessantly. I have another mug of cleanse tea. It helps a little but not much. I think about princesses and how nice i will be to feel comfortable in a bathing suit. Then I think about the brownies some more. Finally I give up and go to bed.

The Princess Diet

On Friday, I (along with 2 billion other people) watched Kate Middleton marry Prince William. She looked radiant, happy, regal, and slim! And then Pippa! That ass!

That was Friday. On Saturday, I bought The Dukan Diet. On Monday, I started it.

And today is Tuesday, when it occurred to me that I should share my experience because maybe other people watched Pippa's bum sashay down the aisle and thought "Yeah, I want an ass like that."

I am 28 years old. I am gainfully employed and have a live-in boyfriend who is not following Dukan (from here on out, I'm just going to call it the Princess Diet, or PD). I am 5'5, 135 pounds, and I do not eat beef, poultry, or pork. Or lamb, or veal, or anything that isn't fish or shellfish. I am only interested in losing 10-15 pounds and ridding myself of the ever-accumulating cellulite in my thighs. Because Dr. Dukan says maybe that can happen.


Your True Weight is 121.5 lbs. It is a little bit higher than the desired weight you indicated. But it's your true weight, a weight that you can attain and maintain. Let’s start here.

If you start your diet today you will weigh 121.47 lbs on the 06/13/2011


You will have to follow 3 phases of Dukan Diet method, and in 91 days you will reach and permanently stabilize your new weight.


That's what his website told me, along with a snazzy ski slope-looking graph that I don't know how to copy.

So that's that. Let's get this journey started, eh?